If I would need to sum up my life, I think this is what I would call it, restless. It’s an odd thing and I remember that it was not always as such, but the past years have brought forward and to light a tendency which I have felt again and again throughout the years.
In the past I remember this feeling when I had mastered a new talent, a new job, a new place… once that I knew how things tick and roll and could control them, I would feel the urge to move on, to conquer more, something else. I’d get restless.It’s no wonder I know so many different things – just income wise I’ve done it all : graphic design, multimedia, web design, 3D and computer animation, photography, video production, fashion modeling, accounting, secretary, ministry (yes, I am a fully ordained minister), counseling, management and on and on, and thats just some of the areas with past income. In most of these things noted I am above the level of being mediocre – but I do not totally shine either in any of these areas.
Above average maybe, but after that point is achieved or when things have settled, I usually get again… restless.
There have been times when I was just right, at the right place, in the right time, doing the right things… but these times are single drops of water on burning stone – compared to all the others.
There is so much to be done in my universe, but even though I feel these urges, I find myself putting things on hold, stretching time like a rubber-band until I feel overwhelmed of the bad taste in my mouth of not having reached and done, and this is finally the time when I begin again to act… but even though I do and do and do, underlying of it all, tainting it all, is this feeling of… restless’ness.