To my sister who has not responded to my communications in 7 years, this was shortly after she smuggled a tape into my suitcase just before I left Switzerland to ensure I only would find it once back home. In this 4 hour tape she told me how bad she is doing and how bad the world treats her.
Telling somebody that one is suicidal and uses leverage like “I fully trust and expect that this stays between us” in a situation clearly laid out that one can not directly help – i.e. she’s back in Switzerland, I am here in the US – doing something like this is in my eyes a very, very unfair thing to do and basically quite suppressive.
Of course I tried helping via letter. The pain and worries she caused!
What do you do with somebody who has fallen into lethargy? You try and kick their butts that they get out of it and start moving again; humming and patting their heads will usually not make them move again.
Doing something like this in writing, with an VIA AIRMAIL delay is really not something simple, and I strongly discourage anyone from doing so.
Of course, being as big of a victim as she declared herself to be, she did not like what I had to say – and took this as the excuse to accuse me of not caring and all the lot. And that was it.
Since then I know from my parents how much grievance she has caused them, how much worries my dad goes through, trying to help her and only getting sporadic responses. Today he wrote me what a good meeting he had with her for her birthday and that she’s doing for the most much better than he thought she was.
Even though I am happy to hear that obviously she is doing better, these news reminded me of the letter and all the emails I’ve written and never received a response back and the worries and emotional involvement I’ve put in with her – and that I actually feel all of that has been treated with utter indifference and basically is a waste of emotional involvement.
Thus I wrote her an email letter today, letting her know that I will no longer write to her. I am not mad at her, but I refuse to care for somebody who shows absolutely no response back.
Friendship IS a two-way flow.
Note : I’ve been strongly considering of making this entry “private” (yes, I do write such postings, just things too private to share) and I gave also quite some thought on the question if I am acting rash and if I will regret the email sent to her a little into the future. In the end I decided that I stand behind my action, and it is part of my life and thus it’s here in all it’s sad nakedness.