marlyse.comme, myself and my life
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Doing something for somebody else can be a gift to yourself.
It just occurred to me that most often one associates some kind of “loss” to one self when doing something for somebody else, even though one can do this absolutely freely and willingly. Be it money, time, effort or attention. It is something one gives from one self to another, thus “loss” of this thing to one self.
Sometimes though this giving turns around and ends up being a giving to one self, even though it was not the goal.
The clearest example of such that comes to my mind is me in regards quitting my smoking habit.
Yes, I absolutely did NOT quit for my own good. Even though I knew it would be a healthy and sane decision, I did not worry about my health and I had no concerns in this respect and, I ENJOYED smoking (mostly, that is). Smoking was a treat to myself.
The reason I quit was that I did not think it fair towards Bear.
He never asked me and barely let me feel that it did bother him. One of the few situations in which he would react a tad negatively and the one that mainly comes to mind is when it was deep winter in Minneapolis with temperatures more than well below zero and we leaving the movie theaters, the car frozen stiff in the parking lot and all the same I first need my smoke before we could drive off, trembling trying to puff as fast as possible without turning into an ice block (and yes, this is what I mean about enjoying smoking only mostly). Not only was I making him sitting in that cold car, trying to warm it up while I smoked but also did he have to endure me entering the car while engulfed in this cold smoke cloud - this is one of the worst smokers smell you can imagine and I was well aware of this, even back then.
If he would have constantly nagged me, I know I would not have stopped. But his attitude allowed me to decide on my own, and now it has been 8 years and 9 days.
Even though I still miss it strongly from time to time I am okay with it. And, yes, even though I basically didn’t quit for myself I have gained a lot from it : I am fully aware that I’ve saved a lot of money by quitting, next to a way improved body health (lungs regenerate within 6 years and my eons of battle against soft, recessing gums disappeared in less than a year completely).
Thinking about this and another issue which is currently on my mind, I realized how interesting and nice this little rule of life is.
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