Xena and the Vet

Today, exactly 3 weeks after Tricky’s death, it is time to bring Xena to the veterinary and have her checked out. I think we will need to have her checked for the Heartworm too, as this is a major possibility which has led to Tricky’s sudden death. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it if we do find her to suffer from that problem as the death rate is about 70% of cats when treated for it.

Next to having to talk to a stranger for the first time about Tricky’s death it will also not be fun for Xena. She HATES going onto car trips. Always did. Each time it is a huge fight. And I feel always so sorry for her. And for the vet. She is not declawed and really knows how to bundle up into a tight and rigid ball. I will take a ton of treats along, maybe this can help her a little.

I really hope the vet doesn’t suddenly tell us we did all wrong when Tricky died. I can’t imagine as we did all to our best knowledge, but I still fear it. I do not know if I could bear the fact that Tricky still would live if I did ANYTHING differently – no idea WHAT, but this is this constant nagging fear in my heart that somehow, just somehow, for whatever reason, I am to blame for his death because I do not know how I could ever forgive myself if this would be the case.

UPDATE : After being at the veterinary – Xena is doing fine, it was less of a painful experience for her than usual, less crying and so on. She is doing fine, has lost 1 pound since the last visit (3 years ago), her heart sounds fine, her eyes and all. That was good to hear. Talking about Tricky of course was not fun but it went okay. The vet said, that from all what we describe of what occurred, Tricky did not have heartworms but the most likely cause of his death was that he had an emboli and there was really nothing we could do about that. He did not appear to only say that to comfort us. And that was the most helpful for me. It is what Bear and I originally thought had happened and to get this acknowledged and that we did not fail in helping him, that does calm my heart a bit – it does however, NOT change the fact that I still think it is absolutely WRONG, that Tricky died.